Baby Oh Baby

Oh, motherhood, what an experience.  There is no easy way to explain the feeling that overcomes you...that this little bit of humanity could completely captivate you entirely.

Back in those days..1965...a woman stayed for about seven days in the hospital after givng birth.  I can remember being put into a semi-private room, falling into a much needed sleep (after all those hours awake in labor, I kind of went comatose).  I awoke to find a nurse pushing a baby cart near to my bed...she reached in and brought out a blue swaddled baby and laid the baby at the foot of my bed.  The nurse handed me a baby bottle and without further ado she left! 

I pulled myself up a bit, I was still kind of out of it...I was trying to figure out how to get to the end of the bed...I knew I had to get there, I knew I had to pick the baby up somehow.  Looking back I have no idea why the nurse left the baby without checking that I was capable of handling a baby.  I finally edged myself slowly down to the end of the bed....remember I'm still hooked to an IV and I hurt like crazy.

I don't know if swaddling a baby is a nurse type of thing or is it universal?  I know it quiets them down, maybe because it restricts their movements and they feel safe like in a womb. Anyway, I finally reached little Kenji...managed to pick him up, he hungrily took the bottle and oh, my goodness...he drained the 3 ozs. in a short time.  I knew at that moment, I would love being a Mom.

Tom was walking about three feet above the ground...he was so happy.....as was Oka-san who had just become Oba-san!

Will write more tommorrow.....

Motherhood

Well here I was....having a baby so far from home.  I felt very homesick at this point, I just wanted my Mother.  Tom's mother tried to help me gather things together that I would need for the baby.  It was difficult for me, it wasn't as if I had a convenient baby store near us.  I had to travel into Tokyo for specific items, like the glass baby bottles, and double steamer for them.  We did not have a dryer, I did have an old washing machine thank goodness.

Even though we were watching our budget, I talked Tom into using a diaper service...otherwise I would of gone insane.  Remember, this is right before throw away diapers came into being.  We also found a western style food store in Shibuya that carried dry infant formula and other odds & ends that would come  in handy.

(Because of the surgery that I had earlier the doctors advised against breastfeeding because of the scar tissue)

One day Oka-san came over and when I went to answer the door I see this little bit of a woman in a kimono struggling with a large blue plastic baby bath.  I immediately helped her in, I broke out in laughter and she joined in.  It was funny not being able to really speak to one another, yet we had just shared a terrific moment together regarding our yet unborn son.  Please remember the tub, in a later story we will go back to the tub.

Like many  soon to be parents Tom & I agonized over the babies names.   We had a list for girls, we had a list for boys...my Mom had sent me a book of names, & of course, Dr. Spock's book (God bless that book, it was so needed) Well, Tom wanted to honor his father and use his name somehow.  His father's name was Enji and as we looked over boy's names the name Ken kept coming up..I found Kenji which meant healthy.  It was just perfect, if it was a boy the name Kenji would incorporate his father's name of Enji.   Also since this was the dark ages, no way to find the baby's sex out beforehand...we had to choose a girl's name also...I was headed for Tamiko or possibly Hanako which meant flower.

Well, my due date was Dec. 26th, 1965...so of course I go into labor on Christmas Day or at least I thought I was.  The hospital said "false labor" go home.   Home we went....Dec. 27th - terrible back pain, onto the hospital again.  This time they keep me...I started dialating and continued for 29 hours...thought I was going to die.  When the baby finally decides to crown, I'm alone in the room with a totally insane husband...no one's in sight, ringing the bell did nothing...I told Tom the baby is coming!  He went running down the corridor yelling in Japanese/mixed English everything under the sun for a doctor.

He made such a commotion that I had a bunch of doctors & nurses come flooding into my room.  Somehow they got me onto a gurney, wheeled me into the delivery room...meanwhile, I know the baby crowned because I had reached down and touched his head!  They are yelling at me to turn on my side for an injection to my spine, someone was pulling on white thigh high booties just so much action going on it was ridiculous.  I'm the only sane person in that damn room! I told them, of course they wouldn't listen, just let me have the baby naturally at this point I'm over the pain.  Nope, they are going to give me a spinal if it kills me.  They start injecting me telling me to lie still (huge contraction going on) and they proceed to send both my legs into charlie horse spasms...and they were about the only things that didn't hurt at point.

Well, my baby had a mind of it's own about it's arrival time...three minutes in the room and there he was.....he was not going to wait for the spinal tap to work...he was ready!

He was very healty....7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20" long.  Huge head...see the picture that's one of the reasons for the long delivery.  They say that women forget about the pains of childbirth afterwards...bullcrappy!  I remember it all, too well, but I would not trade a moment of the whole thing because it gave me someone very special...my son Kenji

Actually, I almost needed to put Tom into a hospital bed..the two days and the rush ending had almost done him in...I really think he had a mini breakdown runningdown that corridor! Poor guy.

 

Adjusting To A Different Life

We enjoyed the time together immensely mainly because when I first arrived in Japan Tom had to work and actually put in additional hours, so we really didn't have a chance to bond as much as we should have.

I got into a routine of rising early with Tom, fixing coffee, toast for breakfast...seeing him off for the day.  I turned my attention to the house.  Several of the rooms were made with tatami mats so those could be swept with ease...there were large sliding glass doors on all the rooms...leading to an outside veranda..so sweeping everything right out the doors was an easy task to fullfill.  The floors actually stayed very clean because of not wearing any shoes in the house.  Oh that I could adopt that here...wonderful rule!

We had a small kitchen with a table that was big enough for two to eat at...the refrigerator was tiny by today's standards...which meant that we had to shop often and basically used fresh not frozen foods.  At the far end of the kitchen there was a small tiled room which was the "o-furo" or Japanese bath.  You basically washed yourself outside of the tub, poured water over you and then soaked in a hot tub.  The first time that I lit the gas jets for the tub I waited too long and the blast back burnt all the hair off my right arm....boy, I learned in a hurry how to do it correctly.

This little western style house was really very cute, there were four of the same style and we shared a courtyard.  The neighbors were basically friendly, a little reserved because I didn't speak too much Japanese at that point. Almost all the women with children stayed home and tended house, shopping, cleaning etc.  Some days, my motherinlaw (Oba-san) would travel in from Tamagawa to visit us, we managed to speak to each other through limited words and drawing pictures.

After several weeks of being home I was really bored.  I had my secretarial experience to fall back on and told Tom that until we had children I would really like to go back to work.  Tom had learned of an American engineering company that needed a part-time secretary...it wasfor Wean Engineering, I applied and got the job.  I worked only three days a week but it helped us financially and also helped with the boredom.  Then Tom's company, Okura & Co., needed someone to work with the young executives that were going abroad...to help improve their English Conversation. So I found myself, once again, a volunteer...three nights a week at the Okura offices.  It was very interesting to deal with young men the same age as myself, but with a different view of the world.

I decided the best way to teach them would be for everyone to read the English newspaper, at least the top stories and then we would discuss them at length.  Well, of course, I found myself having to defend America on many occasions first because of the Viet Nam War and then we had the spy plane incident with Korea....so you can imagine how lively the english conversation went.  None of us lost control though.

Shortly after this, we discovered that we were going to have a baby!  Both Tom and I were so happy!  I continued to work until it became uncomfortable to travel the bus and trains......then I applied myself to preparing for baby.  My folks were happy to hear my news this would be the first grandbaby on both sides.....although my Mom told me she felt she was too young at 42 to be a grandmother.......

 

Learning A New Culture

I looked forward to seeing a bit more of the city and learning more about the culture of Japan.  My other boss, Danny Nakajima, had bought me Japanese language books and helped me study a bit in order to prepare for my arrival in Japan.  I really appreciated what he did, and he was to be a good friend over the coming years.

When Tom's mother found out that he was to marry a foreigner her reaction was very stoic, she proceeded to search for, find and buy a western style house that would be suitable for her son and myself.  Coming from a country where newlyweds start off on their own - building as they go, I found it strange to have everything handed to us on a golden plate.  It was then that I learned that his Mother had done very well with investments, land opportunities, stock, bonds  and such.

Our wedding was to take place on April 24th in Tokyo, we needed to find a church and reception hall.  My Mother, Father and two sisters were going to fly in the week before the wedding and I was so excited.  I already had my gown, my steamer trunk had arrived safely - with all my little bits and pieces of home tucked inside it. I asked  for my sister Charlene to be my maid of honor and  my little Barbie to be a jr. bridesmaid.  Thinking back now, everything was a blur on the wedding day.  If I didn't have the pictures that I do I would swear it didn't happen.

I remember being in a room in the back of the church waiting for the ceremony processional..and my headpiece slipping...I think I pulled it off in frustration - I have a picture of the minister's wife helping put me back together again.....boy! Talk about feeling like humpty-dumpty.  My dad walked me down the aisle, the ceremony went fine and the reception was to follow at one of the western hotels there.  We had rooms booked at the Hotel New Otani...which had beautiful room and gardens.

We met the next morning with my folks in the hotel's gardens and posed for pictures.  I recently looked at these pictures, I am always amazed at the moments captured in time and the emotions that they evoke.  There is one of Tom lifting me up and pretending to throw me into the pond...of course he didn't - but it makes a good action picure.  My parents and sisters were to leave that afternoon, they were to fly to Greece and visit relatives for several days on their trip back home.  I was beginning to worry about little Barbara because she wasn't eating hardly anything....she was finicky to begin with and the cuisine was not agreeing with her.  It was with a heavy heart that I said goodbye to my family, I had no idea when I would see them again.....I was afraid that homesickness was going to set in.

Tom had managed to get two weeks vacation for a honeymoon and we decided to travel to Kyoto and beyond.   Okura owned a inn right below Mt. Fuji so we were also going there.  We traveled in his little faithful Volkswagon and until that trip I had not realized how mountainous Japan was.  I also discovered that I did not like tremendous heights...and I swear everyplace we visited was at the top of some damn mountain!  You must understand that, at that time, the roads were like winding trails up the sides of these mountains with no guide posts, wide enough for one car going one way....we had a bus come right at us from around a curve..to this day I still feel that we escaped a narrow death.

We stayed at one inn that was really beautiful, in the morning you could see Mt. Fuji in the distance with the mist rising and the sun glistening through the clouds shinning on it.  Tom wanted to get a professional massage, which was available, I decided to join him also. Little did I know.  I was used to a gentle, swedish type message....well, this middle aged gentlemen knocked on the shoji screen and entered....he was blind, it seems that years ago...some children were purposely blinded to be able to perform the art of massage more expertly.  Tom had had this type of massage many times before and actually loved it.  I, on the other hand, thought I was going to die!  I felt that every muscle in my body had been totally shredded.  I actually made the man stop because of the pain....but it took me a couple of weeks to work the kinks out of my body.  Believe me, I never asked for a "professional" massage in Japan ever again.

Thankfully it was towards the end of our honeymoon so our plans were not totally ruined.  We were looking forward to our new life together as man and wife.

Tokyo Finally

Well the plane door closed....it was pretty well booked.  I had a window seat in the coach section right on the edge of the wing of the plane....so I could see everything growing smaller as we lifted higher away. 

I had brought some books to read as I knew it was a long flight..this is all before they had movies or anything for entertainment on board....although they did feed you better than today.   Unfortunately, the person sitting next to me decided I was going to be his "best friend" for the entire trip.  Well, I was trapped he was sitting in the aisle seat the middle was vacant but that didn't stop him from talking for hours.

I asked for a blanket & pillow to try to sleep, he still talked.  I finally got up and went to the little restroom just to get some relief from the constant chatter.  To make matters worse, he smelled of heavy garlic - it permeated the air around him - with each word that he spoke I received the full ripe smell of the garlic. Finally, I was able to pretend to sleep and he fell silent.

I wanted to relax and ready my mind for meeting Tom and his family...I was nervous.  As we were getting ready for the approach to the Tokyo Airport I could see the multitude of beautiful lights coming from the city area.  My "best friend" decided that he was going to "help" me find my way about the airport and make it easier for me to find Tom.  My internal "creep moniter" started shreeking inside my head...I told him "no, thanks"...I didn't have any carry on luggage so I was able to get ahead of him in the plane's aisleway.

I made it through custom's and through the glass enclosed space I could see Tom!  I made through those doors in record time and into his arms!  It was winter and a little bit cold.....but I felt very warm.   Tom had shipped his faithful little grey VW Bug over to Japan when he left, so we put my luggage in and off we went.

It was night when I arrived, so I did not get to see too much of the city as we drove through it. We turned down a small, narrow street that had all types of walls around the houses, real high so that it was hard to see behind any of them.  Tom stopped the car in front of a pretty stone structure and opened a wrought iron gate and proceeded to drive the car into the carport area. The house from the outside looked really nice, it was made of white stucco, some sort of shinny rock - it shone like mica and lots of dark wood.

When we entered the house, the foyer was a large step down from the rest of the hallway...that was so you could sit and remove your shoes.  Even though this was a "western" style house no shoes were to be worn inside. (actually ladies if we were to adapt this to our lives today...our houses would stay alot cleaner).  The hallway in itself was pretty...the little foyer was tiled, there was a dark wooden closet for the shoes to be placed, slippers were provided for everyone too.  The hallway on one side had the same rock tile that was on the outside of the house, the floors were the long wooden plank type...mainly cherrywood.  There was a large sliding door to the left, another sliding door at the far end of the hallway and stairs leading upstairs to the right.

As we entered a very small immaculately groomed Japanese lady bowed to us and said something in Japanese.  Tom turned to me and said "Sandi this is my mother....Oka-san" .  I smiled at her and said that I was happy to be there and it was nice to finally meet her.  She did not speak any English...so Tom had to interpret.  Tom explained that his Mother would stay with us at the house as it was not proper for us to stay together until we were married...so she was to be a chaperone.

At that point I had no idea just how determined a lady Tom's mother was.  Little by little I learned about his early life and their struggle to survive during the war and afterwards.   Right then I was just glad to finally be where I wanted to be, to feel loved and wanted....and looking to the future with great eagerness.

Aftermath

Well that afternoon Tom did come back to my parents apartment on his way to Kennedy Airport.  He basically was coming back to do a very old fashioned kind of thing.....ask my Father for my hand in marriage.  I didn't know he was going to do that until he arrived at my door....I held my breathe, had no idea how my Father would respond.  Both he and my Mother had been trying to talk me out of the idea of marrying Tom from the time I had told them that earlier in the day.  They said that people would not accept a mixed marriage easily, we would not be accepted in certain places, people would look down on us for intermingling the races and last but not least...any children that we would have would have a battle on their hands from day one.  Now, mind you my parents are not racists....they were just spelling out to me how cruel the world in general can be when you don't fit their mold or idea of the perfect life to live.

So it was with trepidation that I led Tom into the livingroom to speak to my Father....my Mother and I went back into the kitchen.
It was about ten minutes and the two men came into the kitchen laughing.  My Mother and I exchanged glances (sort of oh no what's going on now)...my Father turned to me and said "Tom has asked for your hand in marriage and I've told him I do not have a problem with your marrying him, in fact you have my blessing."

Whew!! Whatever Tom had said had won the day...my folks never brought up the "problems" that we supposedly would have ever again.  I said my goodbyes to Tom, knowing that I would not see him for at least three months maybe more.  I had alot to get prepared, not only for the wedding but I had to get a visa, a passport, shots ... all kinds of stuff.  Then I found out I couldn't get a long term visa unless I had a job over there to go to or someone would have to write a Letter of Credit for me that would guarantee I would not become penniless over there.

Well, Okura New York, once again came to the forefront and wrote a Letter of Credit for me.  I applied for the visa and passport so that was going along nicely.  I was still working at Okura and trying to learn to speak a little Japanese.  Nakajima-san bought me  some really good English-Japanese language books so I could practice at home too.  My Mom was helping me get everything together for the wedding...we had found a beautiful long gown with a long detachable train..it was beautiful.  I had found a large black steamer trunk, the kind that you used put all those travel stickers on.  I could ship one trunk..so I packed very carefully.

It was like putting little pieces of home into the trunk...I can remember sitting there..thinking is this trunk worthy? Or Not?
So alot of what I had collected throughout the years unfortunately had to stay behind.  My Mom had a spare room that she used for storage so I knew when we came back to the States I could retrieve my treasures.  The weather in Tokyo was very similiar to New York so I packed for the different seasons.  I tell you though I did have moments when I questioned myself .. the thought of traveling l0,000 miles away to a strange land to begin a new life was at times very unnerving.  Tom had begun to write letters to me and they helped tremendously, they brought him closer to me than I had ever been.

The day to leave kept coming closer and closer....a day in January, cold as heck...but I had almost twenty people show up to say goodbye to me at the airport....crazy, nutty wonderful people.  I can still remember the feeling of walking down the airplane corridor, turning and waving goodbye to everyone. Oh, boy...and the kicker was I had not flown in a plane since I was 4 years old.  Here I was flying from New York to LA, changing flights to Hawaii...I had a three day layover in Hawaii and then onto Tokyo.I normally did not drink too much, however, there was a guy on board who insisted that everyone drink his champaigne....so my nerves being what they were I did not protest.  Luckily for me too, as we approached Hawaii we hit a terrible storm, lightening strikes were hitting everywhere - lighting the sky...looking down the island seemed so tiny...I really said a prayer as we approached the landing strip.

The reason for the three day layover was my friend Sal...great guy he had worked at Okura and had joined the Marines. His unit was due to be shipped out to Vietnam. It was when they first started to add more "advisors".  He had been in Hawaii for a couple of months in training...he was looking forward to seeing a face from home.   Sal met my plane, the stews back then used to put leis on every passenger deplaning...I think I still have a book dried piece of the flower somewhere...it was nice having someone who knew their way around show me Hawaii.  It is a beautiful, beautiful place....I was staying at the Hawaiian Village, it was very nice, loved the water too.  I was also hoping when Sal got R&R he could come to Tokyo and be our guest. 

On to Tokyo.

 

19 and Alive

Well I got bored pretty quick just sitting home.  Because the tumor had been so large, the surgeon had put in drains so I had to keep my left arm still and in a sling.  There went any idea about typing. I called the office, spoke to Danny Nakajima who was my head boss, he told me that I could come in and possibly fill in at the front desk...where I wouldn't have to type.  I was tremendously grateful.

So I went back to work after about a week and half of recuperating from the surgery...but I was young and full of piss & vinegar then.
I was working for three Japanese men...quite different in their ways from each other - that in itself, amazed me because of stereotyping.  I had never come into contact with any Asian people at all, my only knowledge was from history in school, my love of reading...especially Pearl Buck.  Oh, and my Dad was a Marine in World War II so he had very definite ideas about the Japanese.

Danny was the oldest of the three, very intelligent...spoke English really very well and didn't hesitate to tell you exactly what was on his mind at any given point.
"Shimmy" Shimada was an exceptionally good looking man and boy did he know it! He also was the office cut up and could be relied on to find humor in any subject.
Tom - Takashi Takabayashi...he wasn't an adonis, but there was a huggable bear quality about him that pulled at your heart strings.
His english was exceptional, because he had been used as an interpreter for the American Embassy in Tokyo. He excelled at salesmanship, knew just how to deal with a client and was terrific at closing a deal.  Some of his clients were really big names...WestBend, Werner Ladder Co., just to name a few.

We all worked well together, I became very used to taking dictation, typing - coordinating shipments, bills of lading, various needed documentation...and of course, speaking with clients.  I learned alot from these three gentlemen regarding customer service and it stayed with me my whole life.  The years went on, one year turning into another....our lives changed little...until the year I turned 21.

I had been dating Jimmy for a long time.....he asked me to marry him.....I said "yes"....we set the date for about 6 months away.

I showed up at work with the diamond engagement ring on my finger.....everyone congratulated me - except Tom.  I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just ignored it. 

Two weeks later, I go into work to find that Tom is going to be transferred back to Tokyo.  Danny told me that Tom requested it.
In fact the transfer was going to take place within a week...I thought..."Oh, no..I'll never see him again...I was not happy"
My unhappiness continued to deepen as the week progressed..I realized I didn't want him to leave not just New York...but ME!.

The night before Tom was to leave, the office gave him a party which of course we all attended after work.  Everyone was unhappy to see him go, especially me.  Did you ever have a clear defining moment in your life where everything that you know you should do is laid out right in front of you? That night was my moment of truth.  Because we were in the city so late, Tom had driven in...he offered to drive me home so I didn't have to chance the subways late at night.  I accepted.

The ride started easy enough, conversation was light and carefree mostly about his seeing his Mom after so many years away. The mood turned a little more serious when he asked me "Are you happy? with your engagement?"  That question opened the flood gates..all my emotions came to the forefront...my moment of truth!
"I looked deeply into his eyes and said "No, I'm not happy, not at all - the idea of never seeing YOU again is making me crazy"..Tom's reaction was like a bubbling volcano that deperately needed to vent...."Oh my God! YOU feel that way TOO?"
We fell into each other arms and kissed for the first time....I knew to the very depths of my soul that I had never loved before.

Now I understood Tom's misery at the thought of my engagement. Here was the real reason he requested to return home...what were we to do?  He was to fly out the next afternoon..not much time at all.  We sat and talked for hours that night in his car...finding out more about each other than most people do in a lifetime together.
He asked me to marry him, to come to Tokyo to be his wife....I told him I would.

Now, dawn was approaching fast, I knew I had to go up to my parents apartment (after the surgery my Mom insisted I move back with them).  Tom & I said goodbye...he was to stop back on his way to the airport that day.  As we were saying goodbye in the downstairs hallway...my Dad came flying down the stairs at us... took one look, said..."Oh...you are Okay..." and turned around and went back up the stairs.

As I climbed the stairs to their apartment I was so excited with what had happened that I felt like I floated through the air up the stairs.  My poor Mom & Dad didn't know what to make of me...I had never stayed out that late even with Jimmy. They were so full of questions...all I could do was tell them...."I'm marrying Tom, not Jimmy and I'm going to Japan".  They tried to talk me out of it, talk some sense into me...nothing worked.

Then I faced the horrific ordeal of telling one of the sweetest guys I've ever known that it was all over between us.  Not my best defining moment I tell you.  I cried, he cried...his Mom was totally angry...but she was a control freak anyway.  I gave the ring back and wished him well.  I had no choice...my destiny was written.